So I just arrived to FIU after having a good breakfast. Only I don't feel so good coz somehow I owe it to my stupid personality to mess up things for me. Ok, so that doesn't make too much sense. Well, I understand myself. Basically these days I just can't stand myself. I haven't been able to have a nice conversation with my bf without getting irritated, or sad or angry. Maybe he notices...maybe he doesn't. So what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I for once just treat him nice like he deserves and stop thinking about stuff. Heck, I can't even think now since my stomach is grumbling super loud in a room where there's only 5 people other than me. Embarrasing =_____=. And it's weird too since I just ate. I just put on my ipod to try and not hear those stupid sounds, well, not the other ppl will stop listening, or that I will stop feeling them.
Anyways, going back to what I was saying I just remembered something. When I was with the whole KWN thing, I used to treat him the same way. Even though I was dying to talk to him I would end up pushing him away coz I would get irritated for the smallest things. Maybe I wanted more attention from him? He was always studying and studying so little by little he didn't pay attention to me any longer. But it was my fault I guess...maybe because I got irritated and didn't treat him very well things ended up the way they did. But then again, if things hadn't ended up like this my bf and me wouldn't be together now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't want to do this to him. He doesn't deserve this. But why can't I stop myself from getting like this? It's any stupid little thing that bothers me T^T. I guess in the end it all comes down to the distance. If only he was here I wouldn't be like this. I blame it all to the distance XD. But then again I knew what I was getting myself into. I'm so stupid. I thought it was gonna be easier....I mean, just talking online is fine, but since I got a taste of what is like to be with him (I was in heaven) and then going back to the online thing is just not the same....Why can't I even have a normal relationship XD...and by that I mean the guy living HERE. At least in the same damn state. But apparently I'm a masochist, coz I don't want to leave this guy. Oh T^T I hope God can give me strenght to surpass this coz...if it turns out that he has to do his military service, I don't think I can stay 2 years like this.
Btw, thanks to all of ya'll who haven't rubbed it in my face and telling me 'I told you so'. Sigh, sadly this is not the only things that worries me. Before I was all happy that I was able to date someone from the country that I like so much...but now I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the correct thing by doing so....is it really ok by dating someone from a different culture...I already see problems rising coz of this, specially coz of my family. And me...I'm having my own doubts....there are things that I don't understand...

Sigh, well anywho, I have a test in less than an hr. so I have to go study. Wish me luck!

....I didn't realize I wrote on the actual Valentine's day XD...so yeah w.e ya'll get me x3

...2 days later XD.....well, while this day in my country is the day of love AND friendship, here in America it seems to be only of love....and since my sweetheart wasn't here...then I just slept all day XD I really wanted to celebrate it this year but it wasn't possible. I thought I was gonna go out with my friends but in the end we didn't, so this year was pretty much like the rest of my life....except like 2008...ahh~ good memories...sadly, bad memories come right after it. Well, anyways....about what I posted last, I'm feeling sooo much better. I'm such a weird person really. While some days I worry about everything, today I'm like F**** everything. I'm happy with my life and I shouldn't complain. Right now, I'm missing him a lot though. It feels like we haven't talked in forever but in reality it has been only a day and a couple of hours. Well, sooner or later I will hear from him. We can't live without each other for long, that's for sure x3.

Man, I have so much work accumulated that I don't wanna even think about it. I was absent from Japanese class twice so I have to catch up on that, and I have a paper to write. Then tom I have a quiz in Jap, a midterm on thursday......@_@....All that and no time!! *ahem* well I had the whole weekend *ahem* but whatever lol, I'll make sure I get everything done XD.

I feel better....

.......but maybe just a tiny bit irritated....God, I don't know what the hell's wrong with me.

so I didn't go to Orlando coz I had to work and then I went to my friend's house for a little takoyaki party we had...it was a lot of fun!! and then my 2 friends came to my house and we watched a movie, one of them was HH! hahaha how funny, to think i liked him a lot wayyy back in the day, and yesterday he was in my house. wow XD or well, more like this morning (they left at 2 am).

Anyways, I woke up like at 11 am, and I talked to my sweetheart but quite frankly, I'm feeling weird. We had what I consider to be a rather serious talk...having talks like these makes me realize how afraid I am of everything...of life, love, family...etc. In times like these, I hate myself. I hate my personality....my way of thinking....why I can't be independent like everybody else...I dunno....I'm afraid that some of the things I said may have dissapointed him....he says no...but, who knows what he's really thinking. Anyways, I have a huge headache because I spent 70% of the time we talked crying...I don't even know why I got so sensitive all of a sudden, the tears just came and I couldn't stop them. Maybe he touched a soft stop without realizing it...heck, I didn't even realized it, until I cried. I don't understand why these things bother me so much....I wish I could erase some things of my past so I could be more confident. My mind is a mess now. All I know is, this guy turned out to be more wonderful than I expected, and I don't want to lose him...I don't want to chase him away with my stupidity...

All right, for now, I don't want to think anymore...I better go eat something, It's already 3 pm, and I haven't had anything.

lol...so yeah...I'm just sitting here in FIU with my friend Danny doing nothing XD. I just got out of a test, a midterm actually, and I think I did horribly =(. I did study and stuff but once again my stupid brain blanked out during the test so meh. Gotta do better in the final. Or hope that the teacher suffers a head injury or something XD jk jk. So now I'm listening to FT ISLAND's new mini-album "Jump Up" (there's no way u can jump down XD) and I really like the first song called 'Bad woman', hmm I would like to know what it says. Maybe I can find out in a forum later or something. Oh! now listening to a new artist called Tae Goon, he's hot XD I love the way he dances and his music it's very upbeat, I really like it. He reminds me of Se7en and another person but I can't quite put my finger on it.
Anyways, at this very moment I'm thinking what my other half AKA Hyeong-il is doing now XD...probably sleeping.....he went to a camp that...I'm not entirely sure what they do...he explained it to me but I can't remember now...well, in any case I hope he's doing well.

You know, this is obvious but, I thought it would be easier to maintain this long distance relationship like I've done in the past but...sometimes, it gets me really down that I want to be with him and I can't. I've told him and stuff but I feel bad at the time I do coz...here he is doing all this effort for the both of us and I'm pretty sure with my complaining I bring him down too. It worries me...So I guess from now on I'll keep my mouth shut no matter how much it hurts. We have to get through this so we can be together again. Hopefully next week I'll finally be able to send him something to Korea. It's not much but I hope he likes it. My financial situation is not so good right now, I really want to get him something nice...well, I guess that will be next time.

I miss him so much....>.<

In other news, this weekend (actually tomorrow) I'll be going to Orlando coz my grandmother is sick so we're going to visit her. oh! and today's my cousin's Cheryl birthday!! yay~ happy b-day to her x3

All right, now I have to get going soon to class buuuuuu.....but that's just my life.

omg omg omgggggggg~~ I can't believe this~ today is a pretty special day for me x3. Today is my Oppa and my anniversary~!! yay <3 one month together~!! wowwwwwwwwwwww every time I say or think about it...it feels like it didn't happen at all o_O like....it feels like yesterday when I was in my bed thinking: "oh, next week Oppa comes to visit", then later "oh, he arrives tomorrow". And then, the most wonderful week passed by...then he left T^T.....and now it's been a month!!!!!
All I gotta say is....I'm so grateful to God....He always has my back definetely...now I understand a bit why things turned out the way they did.
I hope our relationship grows more as time passes by...there are many things I want to know...many things I want to experience. But it's better not to rush things. I want to savor every minute, every second of my time with him x3.

yay one month~! yay me x3

I love you <3

Seriously. This time it's soooo different. I feel happy ALL the time. I talk to him every day and I really can't wait to see my Oppa again. ahh~ how I want time to pass by fast~

Btw, I forgot to mention that the date we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend was Jan. 7th 2009 XD <3 (even though everything actually started on the 5th)

hohohoho yay~ I'm Ko Oppa's girlfriend now ^^. I'm so happy coz I talked to my mom about this and she didn't freak out on me! YAY!! But today I have to talk to my dad about it, I'm soooo nervous!!

Ko Oppa left yesterday.....I had the most wonderful afternoon with him...it was like taken out of a Korean drama....we talked, we laughed, we kissed, we hugged, we cuddled, we took pics, we ate together...it was amazing....
20 minutes before he left, tears started pouring down my face...I didn't want to cry but I couldn't help it...he started crying with me T__T but...I'm happy because he gave me something to remember him by....he gave me a ring that he has worn since 2004 and that has a lot meaning and memories to him...he said I should keep it and give it back to him when he comes back around May. I have faith in him...I'm sure he'll be back =D. He even cancelled his trip to Tokyo so he could save money to come here again....
God, who would've thought that I was going to end up with the guy I rejected the most...XD...
after he left, as soon as the bus left, I started crying again and walked crying all the way to the library T^T (we were in FIU)....i won't deny this has been painful, and I knew it was coming but somehow, it feels different...I feel at peace and I'm very happy....I'm not sad at all now XD coz he has been txting me all the time, and I know tomorrow we'll be talking online like we always did ^^. This is great! I'm shooooooo happyyyyyyyyyyyy kyaaaa XD I have some good videos too XDDDDD ahhhhhhhh~~ life is good with bubbles around XD

On another subject, my new classes are so interesting, I'm very excited to start learning more about asia =D but the upcoming assignments are gonna be a painnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn >.<
but but but is all right!! I have a bf!!!!!!!!!!!!!! muwhahaahahahha I love you Hyeong-il~! <3

yay!!! it's 2009!!!!! wow~~ time sure flies o_O
I have a lot to tell.... I didn't post before coz I dunno I guess I was lazy.
I'm happy to announce that I'm over KWN....doesn't hurt anymore =D hehehe...and that's because...wellllll~~~ let me refresh my memory...
there were 2 korean guys in Illinois, KWN and Ko Oppa who had fallen for me since he was in Korea....it ended rather bad with KWN, so yeah, we can forget about him. As for Ko Oppa though...the story with him was that he always loved me, but I couldn't correspond him for different reasons...we even stopped talking for a month because he saw that I picked KWN. Anyways, he traveled to Illinois as an exchange student, stayed there for a semester, then traveled to Boston, Manhattan, Chicago and a bunch of other places for vacation. After that he went and stayed in Atlanta with his aunt for a couple of weeks...and then finally...he came to Miami to meet me! O_O He arrived January 4th 2009...my friends and me went to pick him up at the aiport and after waiting for him for like an hr and 20 min there he was~ he dropped his bags at the hostel he was going to stay in, and then we took him to Lincoln Road in Miami Beach to see a bit of Miami. He was very sweet with me and he hugged me and held my hand a couple of times...I was secretly enjoying myself...even though I didn't like the guy before...but for some reason...as soon as he appeared...the way he behaved...the way he laughed...how he bothered me and stuff...I dunno...I slowly started to like him..yes, in one day XD well..to be perfectly honest, I had started to feel a while back like this because he was putting his webcam very often and I could see something new and different about him....I won't deny it...I think he was the biggest reason why I was able to forget KWN, he was there for me always. How I regret rejecting him all those times...and he never gave up...he kept loving me all this time...always so persisting (sometimes I thought that was so annoying) but he prevailed in the end XD

Anyways, to keep on going with the story...on Jan 5th...he went to visit me at work...he rented a bike and rode a couple of buses to get to me... when I went to lunch we sat down by the library to talk...and that's when it happened. We kissed~ it felt so right....and the way he treats me....wow, I feel like a queen...I've never felt so loved...I'm so happy with him...then yesterday, he spent all day with me at FIU and it was awsome....we made out a lot XDDD hohohoho he taught me a bit of korean~ we ate together~~ took pictures~~ I don't know, it felt like a dream...and then today I expect the same to happen...he'll visit me at work today and then tomorrow is our last day together...it's going to be painful when we say good-bye but I don't regret anything. So far it's been amazing....but then again my happiness is not complete....I won't mention the reason why but it's hurting me a lot. There's nothing i can do about it though. I just hope it passes by fast and things go back to normal.

There's so many other things that happened with him other than kissing but out of respect for him I'm not going to say. I have to get ready for work now...and to see him XD.

To finish this post...I want to say that I love Ko Oppa ^O^ and I will never forget all these precious moments with him.

lolololol welll welllll it has been a while since I've written here huh? many things have happened...my first semester in FIU is coming to an end and now I'm supposed to be studying for the finals lol. Anyways, as I write here once again my heart is in pain. I don't want to give much details since the story is rather long, but to summarize, I got my heart broken by KWN, and as much as I wanted to stay friends with him, today I had a little surprise and I basically got really mad, fought with him and ended up erasing him from everywhere. I think it's gonna be easier forgetting him coz he was never really here but it still hurts damn bad =(. ahhh~ well, the moral of this story and my promise to everyone and to me, I will NEVER AGAIN try the whole long distance relationship thing. It's futile. It might work for some people but I guess I wasn't so lucky. I want to convince myself that things definetely happen for a reason and that better things (and men) will come my way...
2008....I got hurt 3 times o_O...wow...I better let my heart rest a lot, I don't think it can take much more of this XD.
But anyways, with this new year coming, I'm gonna start anew...new classes...surely new classmates...new ppl...probably new pain but...God will be by my side...I'm so ungrateful...I will go to church for sure next saturday, I have to give thanks and ask for forgiveness....

Well, that's all the updates for now. Next time I post I hope to be better....

I'm sitting in an auditorium for my world regional geography class....omg it's so boring~!!!! Thank God for my friend Carlitos that let me borrow his laptop XD otherwise I would be falling asleep -___-.
On another note, tomorrow is Stephanie and KWN Oppa's B-day!!!!!!! She turns 22 and Oppa turns 24 in the US and 25 in Korea. I really don't get how they do it in Korea, it's a different age from the US...I gotta ask lol.
I'm looking forward to this weekend, it should be fun~! but also I gotta study, I have a couple of exams coming up, I can't wait until I'm in vacations~!! grrr have I mentioned how much I hate studying????! lol

God, even though we're actually talking about Asia now, I can't help but to be bored! if only I had a hot asian in this class lol...

Anyways, the battery of this thing is about to run out, so see ya'll later.

P.S: I'm thinking of erasing my myspace. lately I just use facebook.

hohoho ahh~ the boredom XD since I couldn't find anything better to do this weekend I started watching one of my fav. animes of all time: Yu-Yu Hakusho. I used to watch this show in cartoon network, but I never quite finished it and to be honest I'm really curious to know what's the end of it. I watched until genkai's death, and just about when the final match with the Toguro brother's had started. In total there's 112 eps. I'm on ep. 24 now hohoho. I really want to finish it, and then maybe I'll move on to the new eps. of bleach =D.

Besides that, nothing new has been happening.....lol I gotta get ready to go to school!! how boring...

November is here~! wow~
ok~ soooooooo what can I say? Today I voted for the first time as a citizen of the United States~! I'm so proud!! sniff sniff XD I feel like I have accomplished something BIG lol, when all I did was mark 2 papers XD. Well, I am helping decide the future of the US after all, I guess when you think about it that way it does seem pretty important.
In other news, yesterday at FIU I met one of my favorite comedians of all time: George Lopez!!!!! It was so freaking awsome, he was so funny lol. He went to FIU to persuade ppl to vote for Obama and I think he did a good job.
hmmm what else...my best friend's b-day is coming up soon~ it's so funny, KWN Oppa's b-day is also on that same day. I already bought both of their presents, so now I'm broke >.< I still need money to mail KWN's gift, and my friend Kaori-san's b-day is also on this month. We'll see what happens ^^.
I've been doing well in all my classes thankfully, and I'm having lots of fun. Halloween was great!!! I had sooooo much fun, Kaori-san lent me her Yukata, I was so happy and proud to be able to wear it. I posted my pics in facebook XD.

Well, I gotta get to work now XD I hope KWN gets online soon, I really want to see him XD cya'll later

As I'm sitting here at work, so many things are going through my mind...
Time is passing by so fast...yet, so many things haven't healed in my heart well. And here I thought I was ok but...well, maybe I am but not completely.
It's already October, it' going to be a year since I met my friend Jogi in that halloween party in 2007. It's already a year since I moved to my 'new' house. and...soon it's going to be a year since I said good-bye to JSL as my other half. It's been 7 months since I broke up with TN.....I thought all feelings were gone but as I was going through some stuff here in this pc, I found conversations with both guys...I feel again the pain of being stabbed through the heart...augh..I hate it so much...I guess the feeling of love is gone but, why does this sadness keeps coming back everytime I remember either of them?
I erased both items...I have more at home LOL I need to get rid of that as well...they have been saved there for a while, I really need to start forgetting and forgiving completely, I thought I wanted to keep my memories with them but this just gets me really down...

On a happier subject though...I think I've found someone who can help me heal completely...or....hurt me even more haha xD let's hope it's the first xD
I've talked about him now a couple of times...I have to say, I don't think I have met such a persistent guy xD at the beginning I didn't like him much, I mean he didn't attract me physically that much...but little by little he captured my heart. I'm talking about KWN Oppa....it sucks to know that he lives in another state, and I've repeated I don't know how many times that I didn't want to make the same mistake that I did with JSL...but it turns out, KWN Oppa might be coming...he asked me if I was free on Dec. 10-13, if I said yes then he will come...it's like 90% guarranteed. I can't believe this! I'm so happy! I mean no puedo cantar vitoria until he says 'I bought the ticket', but if he really comes...even if it's for 3 days, I think I can be happy. It would be an awsome experience, only if we really do click and want to be more with each other, it's going to be hard saying good-bye. But I don't want to think about that OR the trouble I can get in if my parents find out LOL.

Also, I met this really hot chinese boy the other day...I managed to get his e-mail, and now I'm getting to know him more but, he has a gf...I thought that sucked...but now that I'm seeing how he is...ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....let's just say I'm glad he has one, he's really not my type...and what am I doing?! LOL I like KWN Oppa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *slaps herself*

I'm getting cheered up now XD well anyways xD let's hope for the best. Ganbarimasu!!!!

So once again we have to go from room to room in each bldg. here in mdc to check if there's classes and put on a piece of paper YES/NO. This is sofa king annoying!!! they better not put me to do all that shit I had to do last time or I swear I'm going to kill somebody. Not to mention it's really hot outside and I need to study for my midterm of int. relations tomorrow!! grrrrrrr que perezaaaaaa....only good thing is I saw this REALLY cute asian while doing this shit hohoho xD.
Well anywhoooo, back to work~!!

well, although u really can't appreciate them here, i'm still posting these up coz those are the only ones i've taken XD and yes i know, they're kinda sexy blah blah lol ignore that plz XD comments are always appreciated!

I had been thinking of cutting my hair for a while. But I really do love my long hair, so I thought what can I do to look diff, but keep my hair long? tan tan tannnn highlights!! LOL. My parents didn't like the idea much but I insisted and I got them in the end hohohoho =D. At the beginning I thought I looked too blond but now I got used to it and I don't think I look that bad. I got many compliments today so I'm happy =). I'll see if I can post a pic later lol. I did cut it a little bit but I still have very long hair, I feel so awsome lol.

yay for me!!!!

oh lord...Japanese is getting harder!!! I'm having a tough time remembering sentence structures xp but today i got a video of the cute chinese boy in my class so weeeeee~~~ that always makes me feel better =) hahaha xD

Ahhh~ I'm tired lol. How weird huh. I hope today passes by quickly, I didn't get much sleep last night and while I was actually sleeping I had a nightmare xD, so yeah, I feel tired.
Nothing interesting has happened~ I want this week to be over asap. This wednesday I'm supposed to turn in an essay on the renaissance. Omg, I've spent like 4 days writing that motherf**** and I'm still not done. I should be finished by tonight though. The essay itself is done, all I'm missing is putting the endnotes and the bibliography. Then to turn it in and hope for the best =). I hope at least a C...it's been a while since an essay has given me so much trouble. I want to give special thanks to Carlitos, without him I would've been screwed up. So thank you so much!!!!! =D
I've been having a lot of fun in FIU but so far I haven't seen any good candidates to date hehehehe...ummm...I'm just...waiting...
OH! yesterday in GC I saw the korean waiter that attended us in my b-day...I should've said hi LOL...maybe if I see him again xD
OMG I'm so sleepy now XD....